Emotional Trashcan

Why do emotions have to make such a mess of things?

Sometimes I feel that's all I am: emotions.
All stuffed into this little space called a heart, that tends to fill up my entire body and mind.
Sometimes they make me such a mess.

I wish I could pick them up off the floor of my heart and throw them away forever.
But I can't bring myself to throw away who I am.
Even the worst parts of me.

Go Now and Live

Go now, and live.
Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and don't be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Grateful. Be Wild, Crazy and Gloriously Free. Be You.

Go now, and live.



Thank you Chelsea Rhodes for sending this to me. It is so beautiful, I almost cried. I know I'm a sappy little girl. :P But I couldn't help it. I love you.

Flash

I miss the flash of the camera.
The light blinding my eyes.
Watery and red
make-up hung upon them.

I miss the click of the lens.
The way I could connect
with the person behind it.
Communication in a mere second.


I miss the characters I became.
Putting on different personalities
trying on crazy life styles
losing myself in the fun of it all.

I miss the make-up artists
the way they transformed my face
older, younger, bolder,
all in the stoke of a brush.

I miss the adventures I went on.
Subways, buses, planes
driving 8 hours home and back alone
meeting so many amazing people along the way.

I miss the way the sunset on the skyline
spectacular views from my roof
of the city that filled my heart with magic
held me when I fell, on my way to dreams.

I miss the ones who became a part of my soul
sharing beds in the cold winter nights
cuddled in blankets, sipping hot tea
parties where night never came.

I miss you.
That part of me I left behind.
I feel you call to me
but I can not return.

Not yet, anyway.

The Rain Song

I decided to start a new blog. Don't know if I like it yet or not, but I just couldn't bring myself to change the last one. Its almost as if I want to preserve that blog purely for my first year in NYC. I don't know. We will see how this new blog goes. :P I named it after "The Rain Song" by Zeppelin. Its one of my all time favorites. Season's of emotions is the overall point of the song and I really just love that whole idea. My life has many seasons of emotion. Ups and downs and falling over sideways. Its a journey. Okay so now that you know the whole corny, sappy reason for the title, lets start with where I came from and where I am now. I deferred college for a year and moved to NYC. It was the best thing I could've done and I miss it like crazy. I moved there to pursue my dream of modeling and after a long hard journey finally found a wonderful agency and landed my first really successful modeling jobs. Right when it was getting really good, I left. I moved to Blacksburg VA, the smallest town you could imagine, to get an education and pursue another goal, my degree. Crazy right? I still don't know if I made the right choice. How can you ever really know? Oh, well. I'm still signed with my agency, Click, but nothing has really come up for me since I left, except one amazing job that I had to turn down because of exams. Anyway, If you want to know more about that whole year you should check out the blog I left for this one, Sweet Caroline in the City. So here I am now. Sitting here in my small college dorm room, still awake at 1 am on a school night writing this blog. My life has dramatically changed. I am now a Virginia Tech Hokie, and proud of it. My days do not consist of working part time at Abercrombie and Fitch and running all over Manhattan going to castings, but rather they consist of classes, homework and walking all over the campus of VT. I am no longer pining to see my boyfriend every day of my life, because now I see my boyfriend every day of my life. That part is a wonderful change. :) Instead of paying rent and the bills I pay an even larger all encompassing bill called tuition, or rather my father does. Instead of modeling for Seventeen and Bridal magazines, I am studying hard and taking exams. I am not saying I do not like the change, I am merely saying I am amazed at how different my life has become in a matter of a month. To be perfectly honest I am still floating around in my heart and mind about whether or not I like the change. So there it is. From New York, New York to Blacksburg, VA. Maybe i'll end up loving it, maybe I won't.  Maybe i'll keep up this blog, maybe I won't. Maybe we'll never know.

"These are the seasons of emotion, and like the wind they rise and fall." -The Rain Song, Zeppelin