Can't Sleep

I feel like I am dreaming,
but I am not yet asleep.
I sit here staring at lit up pages
with nonsensical words
images
statuses
for what?
nothing.
They give me the gift of nothingness.
My mind chews on these bits and pieces
takes it off of the bigger things
that my heart just can't seem to swallow quite yet.
even after 3 months.
I feel tired
yet I fear the pillow upon which my head will rest
for the moment I allow my mind to drift away
it will bring me back to you
or her
or it.
Images,
words,
feelings
all come to surface in my dreams
the torture me with the facade of reality
and I awake
shaken
crying
alone.
"It was just a dream"
I say to myself.
But it felt so real.
So I sit here staring at this machine
until my eyes can't take the pressure of my eyelids
until I give in to my body's needs
and lay down on the battlefield of my broken heart,
not sure of what awaits me in my dreams.