I feel good tonight.
After months of tears and heartbreak, tonight I feel happy.
I feel like I can breathe without something stabbing my lungs.
I know it probably won't last forever, this sudden feeling of joy, but I welcome it into my sore, broken heart.
It can stay as long as it likes.
I don't need you anymore.
I have me.
Single, and for now happy.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
One by One
One by one
I eat them
The dark chocolate covered raisins
One by one
They go down
I know what they’ll do when they hit the bottom
One by one
They’ll tear me apart from the inside out
As my stomach tries to combat them
One by one
They will overcome
My stomach will be too weak to fight them
One by one
They go in my mouth
And I start to think of the memories
One by one
They flood my mind
Ripping my psyche apart at the seams
One by one
They drown me in misery
The tears flowing from my eyes
One by one
My tears fall into my lap
My hands drenched in sadness
One by one
I eat these dark chocolate covered raisins
Knowing in the end they will hurt me
One by one
Our memories
Will kill me
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Ocean
Link to my Tumblr.
Ocean: A poem.
Check it out.
http://carolinesfollies.tumblr.com/post/3190699902/ocean
Ocean: A poem.
Check it out.
http://carolinesfollies.tumblr.com/post/3190699902/ocean
Monday, February 7, 2011
Signs
Today was actually good.
Its been awhile since I had a whole day start well and end well.
I think what made it that way was how packed full of things it was.
7:30- wake up
8:20- eat bagel and banana at DX
8:50- walk to class
9:05- 9:55 AM Intro to Communication Theory
10:10- 11:00 AM Communication Skills
11:15- 12:00 eat lunch and do Astronomy Homework
12:20- 1:10 Intro to Cinema
1:25- 2:15 Astronomy
2:15- 3:15 Math Studying
3:30- 5:30 Movie Screening for Cinema (Dracula)
5:30- 7:00 Chorus
7:00-8:00 Dinner with Brad and friends
8:00- 9:15 My first Bible Study
9:30 Deets Run
10:00- 10:30 Hall Meeting
10:30- finally relaxing
That was my full day. Busy. Busy is what I need these days.
I also went to my first Bible Study tonight. I literally bumped into an old high school friend, Brad, after my chorus rehearsal let out. He then invited me to his Bible study. I decided to go. I thought "why not?" It might take my mind off of things. So I went to Owens for dinner with him and then I went with them to the Bible study. They were really nice and I liked the opportunity to meet new people. I have always wanted to try a Bible Study out, not sure how I'm going to like it honestly, but I felt like tonight seeing Brad and his invite was a sign. I am really down lately. I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life and I think that this is God's way of holding out a hand and saying "its okay, here is something that will help you." I walked home tonight from the study happy for the first time since the break-up. I mean genuine happiness. I almost cried tears of joy. Just feeling the cool air, the rain on my cheeks, I felt so happy. I smiled and whispered "I love you" to the night sky, or rather to God. I have always had faith that there is a God or higher power, but I have struggled with religion. It makes me squirm a bit. I am torn, because I grew up with church, and in a way it is a true comfort to me. I guess I'm just always afraid of saying I know something written in the Bible to be absolutely true when there are other religions out there and other texts that are aiming for the same thing. I love God. I know He exists. I have felt his presence and lived guided by his signs. I feel very blessed, but I have these feelings of unrest and confusion when it comes to religion. I feel like I have to start somewhere and that a Bible study will at least give me a better knowledge of christianity. Then I can start leaning about other texts as well, just for knowledge. All I know is, the Bible study and the people there comforted my broken heart, and I felt happy walking home in the dark cool rain. That is a major breakthrough and I can't ignore the sign that I need this in my life right now.
God truly is amazing. Love is amazing.
Love is all you need.
Its been awhile since I had a whole day start well and end well.
I think what made it that way was how packed full of things it was.
7:30- wake up
8:20- eat bagel and banana at DX
8:50- walk to class
9:05- 9:55 AM Intro to Communication Theory
10:10- 11:00 AM Communication Skills
11:15- 12:00 eat lunch and do Astronomy Homework
12:20- 1:10 Intro to Cinema
1:25- 2:15 Astronomy
2:15- 3:15 Math Studying
3:30- 5:30 Movie Screening for Cinema (Dracula)
5:30- 7:00 Chorus
7:00-8:00 Dinner with Brad and friends
8:00- 9:15 My first Bible Study
9:30 Deets Run
10:00- 10:30 Hall Meeting
10:30- finally relaxing
That was my full day. Busy. Busy is what I need these days.
I also went to my first Bible Study tonight. I literally bumped into an old high school friend, Brad, after my chorus rehearsal let out. He then invited me to his Bible study. I decided to go. I thought "why not?" It might take my mind off of things. So I went to Owens for dinner with him and then I went with them to the Bible study. They were really nice and I liked the opportunity to meet new people. I have always wanted to try a Bible Study out, not sure how I'm going to like it honestly, but I felt like tonight seeing Brad and his invite was a sign. I am really down lately. I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life and I think that this is God's way of holding out a hand and saying "its okay, here is something that will help you." I walked home tonight from the study happy for the first time since the break-up. I mean genuine happiness. I almost cried tears of joy. Just feeling the cool air, the rain on my cheeks, I felt so happy. I smiled and whispered "I love you" to the night sky, or rather to God. I have always had faith that there is a God or higher power, but I have struggled with religion. It makes me squirm a bit. I am torn, because I grew up with church, and in a way it is a true comfort to me. I guess I'm just always afraid of saying I know something written in the Bible to be absolutely true when there are other religions out there and other texts that are aiming for the same thing. I love God. I know He exists. I have felt his presence and lived guided by his signs. I feel very blessed, but I have these feelings of unrest and confusion when it comes to religion. I feel like I have to start somewhere and that a Bible study will at least give me a better knowledge of christianity. Then I can start leaning about other texts as well, just for knowledge. All I know is, the Bible study and the people there comforted my broken heart, and I felt happy walking home in the dark cool rain. That is a major breakthrough and I can't ignore the sign that I need this in my life right now.
God truly is amazing. Love is amazing.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Easy to Let Go Of
What I don't think I will ever understand:
How a man who once loved a woman with all his heart can suddenly not, and just a suddenly love someone else.
Being replaced really sucks.
How a man who once loved a woman with all his heart can suddenly not, and just a suddenly love someone else.
Being replaced really sucks.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
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